I'm not a patient person, I've realized. Having kids will do that to you--humble you and help you recognize your weaknesses. When both kids are crying, my stress level hits the roof, and then I can't seem keep myself from crying as well. I thought that if I could just stop breastfeeding, I wouldn't be so stressed out. You see, unlike most women, I just don't find much enjoyment from it. So, we've started supplementing with formula, but Braden doesn't like formula AT ALL. We started out with the sensitive kind because Jackson always had problems with gas, so we figured he might be the same. Maybe he is or maybe he isn't, 'cause everytime we feed him formula, he only takes two ounces and gets really mad. The night we went out to a movie though, we left both kids with Trapper's aunt and uncle, and somehow they got Braden to eat more than 4 ounces!! How the heck did they get him to do that!?
You don't have to read the fine print below. It's just an account of what happened last night with the kids crying, and it's for journaling purposes.
So, last night, after we ate dinner, Trapper went out to do his errands and I started to feed Braden. Jackson sat at the door crying for a full 10 minutes hoping Trapper would return. He loves his daddy soo much. Braden ate about 2 ounces as usual and then started crying. Well, he wouldn't stop crying after that. And then, Jackson started crying because Braden was crying. Then Braden cried even louder because Jackson was crying really loud. I couldn't control the situation, so I started crying. It was one big sob party. The only time Braden would stop crying was if I was standing up. But then, Jackson wanted to be held too! So he continued to cry and hold out his hands for me. It went on like this for awhile. I finally had to put Braden down to give Jackson a bath. He screamed his little lungs out until I was able to pick him up again. Anyway, Trapper finally came home 2 hours later when I was just about ready to pull my hair out. He's such a good man. He brought me chocolate. He had gone to get his hair cut, the car washed, and some groceries. Now it was his turn to hold Braden and keep him happy while I got Jackson into bed. I really wanted some alone time with that chocolate. It made me feel better, but I was sooo tired by this time and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.
Anyway, the Lord is soooo good to mothers. Because he's the only one who's felt what we feel, he throws in whatever tender mercies he can to help us out. haha After last night, I was pretty down and needing some comfort, and my tender mercy came in the form of an all night sleep-a-thon for both me and Braden. *SIGH* It was wonderful waking up at 6 this morning (aside from the engorgement) and feeling refreshed!! I felt so good I took a shower before the kids woke up. I can't help but thank Heavenly Father for that blessing.
5 comments:
I don't really have any words of encouragement since you have me beat on the number of kids to take care of, but I hope things get better and better for you with feeding Braden.
I don't think anyone finds enjoyment from breastfeeding for the first few months. I finally feel like I have it figured out and it's been 4.5 months. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think people are probably lying if they say it's easy right away.
On the other hand, I'm not saying that I think you're a bad mom if you switch to formula! You do what you feel is best for your family. You have to be happy too. I think you're a good little mom!
Leave it to you to find the good in a situation like that! I promise it gets better! You guys are miss here in little ol Rifle!
All I can say is that I totally feel your pain! Having 2 kids threw me for a huge curve ball and it is so hard! You can't even describe how tired you are because you can't nap like you did with just one kids..someone always needs you and you just dont get a break! If you stick to it the breastfeeding thing does get easier. I hated it with Tyler and with Bailee I pushed through but I would still say...I can only do this 4 months..then it would be ok 6 months I quit, but now I'm thinking I can make it the whole year. It's actually a lot easier than bottles once you get longer breaks between feedings. Im not a patient person either and I think that what you have to have with breastfeeding. Tyler is going through a phase right now that when Bailee is crying he feels the need to join in and its this fake annoying whine! ugh!! If you really do wanna quite bfeeding don't feel bad!! The worst thing is to feel guilty about quitting!! Your already so torn!! Tyler had problems with formulas and the only thing that worked for him was neutramagen. It is super hypoallergenic w/ no milk or soy. It's the closest thing to breastmilk and is super gentle on their tummy. Basically its the best formula you can buy...but it is also pricey. So talk to you doc and decided if its best for you but if you can budget for it ...it's totally worth it!! I hope things pick up soon....it's getting easier for me each week! But I felt very overwhelmed for the first 3-4 months of Bailee's life but it does get easier I promise...and having 2 so close is probably the best form of birth control out there...abstinence ;)
All I can say is I am sorry and I know your pain. In my house if someone is crying we are all crying. Thank goodness for our good hubbies to help us out. I am thankful I am not a single parent because i know I wouldn't be able to handle it alone. For me the pressure, emotions, and the stress of the kids was getting more then I could handle. I finally had to get out every evening and go running (once I hit the 6 weeks). It really gave me that alone time to recharge my emotional and physical batteries. I would suggest finding time to get away everyday... find something for you that will make you feel good and refreshed.
I just love the tender mercies from our Heavenly Father. Being a mommy is hard and you are right he is the only one who knows how we feel. I hope it gets better, easier.
I know I only have one kid, but I can relate to you! When I can't get Hunter to quit crying, I completely lose it and start crying too. Then poor Greg comes home and has to try to get me and Hunter to quit crying. I have no idea how he can keep his cool when we have all lost ours!
It's so refreshing to hear that other moms have problems too. Sometimes these blogs make it seem like everyone's lives are perfect and I think- well then what's wrong with me and my child?
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